Are you an Enneagram 2... or are you a woman in ministry?


'Are you an Enneagram 2 or are you a woman in ministry" was a question that was posed to me about 2 years ago and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I was shocked when those words floated through the air and made their way into my brain. I didn't know if I should be offended, appalled, or if it was actually something I should genuinely consider.

Whatever you might think of the enneagram, I have found it (like other personality assessments) to be a helpful tool in understanding how different people think and operate. As long as I'd known of it, I'd tested and claimed to be an Enneagram 2 (The Helper), with a wing 3 (The Achiever). When that question was posed to me, I was fairly adamant that I was a 2w3 based on the core fears and desires of that type. And if you don't know the language, a 2's core fear is being unloved, so they will do anything and everything to serve other people to feel a sense of purpose and significance and to be.... loved. Pause. You may be thinking at this moment, "uh yeah that totally sounds like me!" However, I ask a simple yet deeper question.... "but is it you though?"

*At the end of this post I have a small chart about enneagram numbers and a link to the page to find out more)

There was a season of my life where I genuinely felt like I was a 2. My core fear was being unloved... which is hilarious because I grew up in an incredibly loving and caring family. Outside of family though, I would often go above and beyond to serve other people and be thoughtful. All signs pointed towards being the helper. As I became more versed in personality assessment language and knowledge, I also started working at a church and that language was even more common. I would meet woman after woman who would say they're also an Enneagram 2. I began to think 'how is it possible that there are so many of us?' Logically, I came up with 2 possible answers to that question: Either it's true we are all helpers and we've found each other in serving the mission of the church/Church... or we don't know ourselves as well as we think and because we are servant-hearted women who work in ministry, 2 is the default. Both were plausible. So, where did things click for me?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

One day, I had a friend say, "Al, pretty sure you're an 8." 

My first thought was, "Say what now? You think I'm an 8"? But as I wrestled through that... it became clearer to me that though, yes, it's true I enjoy serving others and being thoughtful, my core desires had changed. Maybe it was life's circumstances or stepping more and more into who God has created me to be, whatever it was, she was right. I wasn't as concerned about helping others in order to receive affection and affirmation, instead, I felt more of this innate sense of not wanting to be controlled and also the want to be a protector who cared for and loved people well even if it could never be reciprocated. 
Immediately following was my second thought, "Well... poop. Where do Enneagram 8 women find their place in church ministry"? (But that's a whole other blog post haha). 

That moment was so eye-opening for me. Being an 8 isn't a bad thing and I actually have a bit of every number because personality assessments are tools, not gospel. They aren't so we can be put in a box and forget that God has created us all uniquely and wonderfully, but they are super helpful in helping us make sense of ourselves and others. 

So I pose the question to you: Are you an enneagram 2... or are you a woman in ministry? (I don't even mean you're on church staff... I mean any capacity of serving in ministry). I think, especially as women, we have the genetic make-up to serve and nurture which often comes out as self-sacrifice. I mean, we were created to be a helper! But if you take a step back, what else makes you... you? Could it be possible that a different type is actually more of who you are?

Disclaimer 1: I know this has been written more for the female audience, but it's applicable for my guys too. Not only because personality assessment is for all, but also if you're a man (possibly in leadership) who gets to empower the women you work with or do life with, knowing who they are and how God has equipped them will only be beneficial. 

Disclaimer 2: I am not hating on 2's. I think true 2's are some of the best people who I appreciate dearly.


EXTRAS:
*If you have time, go check out Sleeping At Last. He is a musician who did an entire album on the enneagram numbers. Listen through the album, maybe even look up the lyrics.. and even if you don't resonate with your number or another, you'll have at least listened to a really good album. He also did a podcast, explaining why he wrote each song how he did, down to the reasoning behind the instruments used. SO. INCREDIBLE. I've linked both the album and the podcast so I've made it super easy for you! (you'll have to go back to 2018-2019 for the pod but it's not too far back).


*Here's a brief listing of each number and its basic fears & desires (taken from the Enneagram Institute website) https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions/

1 (The Perfectionist): 
  • Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective
  • Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced
2 (The helper) :
  • Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
  • Basic Desire: To feel loved
3 (The Achiever): 
  • Basic Fear: Of being worthless
  • Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile
4 (The Individualist) :
  • Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
  • Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an
       identity)
5 (The Investigator) :
  • Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable
  • Basic Desire: To be capable and competent
6 (The Loyalist) : 
  • Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance
  • Basic Desire: To have security and support
7 (The Enthusiast) : 
  • Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
  • Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled
8 (The Challenger) : 
  • Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others
  • Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life
    and destiny)
9 (The Peacemaker) :
  • Basic Fear: Of loss and separation
  • Basic Desire: To have inner stability “peace of mind”

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