Awaiting the Holy Night - Mary's Perspective

I wrote this post back in December 18, 2022 and never published it but with Christmas around the corner and joining my family in reading a chapter of Luke a day to celebrated Advent, I decided to circle back around to it. I know it may be taboo to read into how a Biblical character might have felt or what they might have thought, but adding personification to the people that we read so much about felt like an exciting venture. And besides that, The Chosen TV series came out around that time and it brought so many characters to life... giving them thoughts, feelings, and emotions so I felt that maybe I was in the clear (I mean, now anytime I read Jesus's words in Scripture, I hear Jonathan Roumie's voice).

Below is my mind's rendering of how I imagined Mary (and Joseph) felt and what they might have thought the days leading up to and the night of Christ's birth. 

---

What do you mean, I'm pregnant? Pregnant... at 15... with the coming Messiah?! I can't show my ankles for risk of showing too much of myself, much less have I been with a man. Oh what will my family think? What will Joseph think? I know an angel of the Lord just told me-- OH my Ninevah, I'm going to be put to  death! That's it, Joseph is going to leave our engagement and have me thrown out with the swine. How could this be? I am certain he is going to freak out and be just as confused. I have to tell him... but how will he understand? Will he understand? Oh I just can't bear waiting...


——————————————


Okay here I go... ‘Joseph can we talk for a minute?…’ Sigh, he has decided to divorce me quietly. I am grateful that he is a kind and gentle man who is faithful to the law. That he isn’t going to stone me. I feel like I am a public disgrace and no one will understand. How could they? How does one get pregnant by the Holy Spirit? It is such new territory and I have so many emotions and feelings inside of me (and that isn’t just pregnancy speaking). I am uncertain for I am awaiting the unknown. How will I raise him alone? 

——————————————


Wait. What? Joseph just told me that an angel appeared to him last night and told him to not be afraid. That we would be giving birth to the Messiah and that I had been faithful in our engagement. ‘Oh, Yeshua, thank you. Thank you for that confirmation to him and that I will have Joseph by my side throughout this miraculous journey’. He also shared that our son would be called “Immanuel”, which means God with us. I am so pleased and amazed. We are awaiting the promise... the promised one.


——————————————


It’s been 8 months and 29 days and I am so round, I could burst. I am ready for Immanuel to be here (and for my ankles to stop swelling)! I am currently reclined on a mound of hay, but how I got here is quite the story. In fact, the conditions were a little less than ideal. 

You see, Caesar called for a census to be taken which means that we had to go back to Joseph’s hometown, Bethlehem, to be accounted for. We made the journey with our few belongings and a donkey. Have you ever been almost 9 months pregnant and had to ride 90 miles on a donkey from Nazareth to Bethlehem? Let me tell you, not glamorous and not fun. If you still haven’t quite understood - we traveled about 8 hours a day for 4 days straight! And my poor husband, he had to walk the entire way because there was only room for 2 people on the donkey and I took both those spots (along with our belongings). The journey could not have been longer.

Then, we got into town and it was so busy! Joseph tried his best to get us a place to stay but there was no room anywhere. Eventually, we landed in this manger and that’s where I am right now. I slid off the donkey onto some nice hay and that’s where I’ve stayed. I am not moving until this baby comes, which should any moment now. So, I made myself as comfortable as I can and yes, there are sheep staring at me but can I blame them?


——————————————


Can I be vulnerable for a moment? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I am going to be a young mother. How will we parent? What will he look like? How will he sound? What memories will we make together? How much will birthing hurt? Will we be able to feed him and take care of him? What does it really mean to be Immanuel? He is the son of God. Why was I chosen to carry him? We were awaiting the Savior of the world. The fulfillment of all Old Testament prophecies. What a joy and what a terror! OOF! That was a big contraction… Uh Joseph! I think my water broke. It’s time!


——————————————


Yeshua, 10 fingers, 10 toes, a perfectly healthy baby boy, and a tiny nose. He is here. We are so tired yet so hopeful and joy-filled. The fullness of God is in this little baby boy. I’ve swaddled him tightly, softly kissed his little forehead, and laid him in the manger next to me... mainly so we could just stare at him. Joseph and I are so proud, tears are filling our eyes as we not only are meeting our son, but we are meeting our Savior. His name is Jesus. On this night, everything was as it should be. The waiting is over”...


——————————————

Sharon Hodde Miller wrote, “At Advent God invites us to consider whether the darkness that feels so much like a tomb, might actually be a womb”. There can be fear, the unknown, and joy in the waiting. Mary and Joseph had no idea what the exact story was going to be, yet even in the darkest of nights, they remained faithful and expectant. No matter what this Christmas season may hold for you, remember that even in the unknowns and the fears, there is joy that is found in Christ alone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

But What if You're Single and.... Happy?

Image
I've been sent a few reels over the last couple months talking about singleness and the different feelings around it. One said that people will talk about 4 major relationship categories,  1. Married and happy 2. Married and unhappy 3. Single and happy 4. Single and unhappy And how one of the categories is talked about the least... can you guess which one?  It's #3: Single and Happy.  I've not done the research, so maybe that discounts all of what I'm saying or about to say, but as someone who routinely checkmarks the single box, my life and experiences are the research. Why is it that so few people talk about what it looks like to be single and happy? In my observation, it's because there often is one goal and one goal alone to strive for: "get married, have kids". And if those things are not happening then how could one possibly be fulfilled, whole, happy, or thriving? A good question.  But what if I told you there was something else? That single people ...
Read more

Grief - It's Okay

Image
Grief. How does someone wrestle with the wounds it leaves?  It's a fog that covers a valley. It's a g-force against our lungs like we're on one of those carnival rides that spins so fast, you're pinned to a wall. It's a cloud that specifically rains on you when everything and everyone else is basking in sunshine. It's a numbness that can feel like an emotional void. And like a spinning record, it plays over and over again. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes from all sorts of occasions. There could be a seasonal grief due to weather changes and the days getting darker earlier after sunshine and late nights and warmth kissed you all summer. There's the grief of change: you move, you start a job / job ends, a bad grade occurs, your body isn't doing things the way it used to, and injury changes the course of what you thought life would look like. Then there's the relational grief. This is the one that surrounds you when you lose a relationship, when the...
Read more