The question of "Enough-ness"
Am I enough? Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I funny enough? Am I athletic enough? Am I pretty/handsome enough? Am. I.....enough?
These are questions (or variations of) that everyone has asked themselves at some point. Maybe it's everyday or maybe it's every once in a while but we struggle with this idea of "enough-ness".
We get passed over for a job because we aren't experienced enough. We get passed over by a guy or girl because we feel we aren't pretty/handsome enough. We get passed over by family because we feel like we aren't good enough. We get passed over by coaches or instructors because we aren't talented enough. We get passed over by friendships/relationships because there's something better and we aren't enough. This is the idea of "Enoughness". If only we were this, that, or the other THEN we would be enough for that person or for that job or that team or that role.
Throughout my life, this idea of "Am I Enough" has hit me at different points. It's been most prominent in friendships, a relationship/potential ones, and in job searching. Things happen and I hit a point where I am thinking to myself "Why was I not enough? Why was my loyalty or my degree or my face not enough for this person, place, or thing?"
What do we do with these things when they come up? Do we deal with these thoughts/feelings or do we stuff them down and believe the lies that "we will just never be enough for x, y, z"? Sorry for all the quotation marks, haha, I am just getting my thoughts onto paper.
When I go through these moments where these thoughts captivate me, I know the truths. By God's grace, my family (a vital foundation in our lives) has never ever made me feel like I'm not enough in any aspect of my person (though they would probably beg the question to me as to why they weren't enough for me, growing up. And that is something we've worked through and I have grown to love and appreciate them more than words can say). So I have solid people to remind me of the truth - family and friends. But sometimes, though we know what Christ has to say about us and that He Himself is enough for us... it doesn't land.
We know the truth but we still cry out "WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH!" Why wasn't I enough for my parent not to walk out on me?? Why wasn't I enough for this person I loved not to leave me? Why wasn't I enough for this job that I am qualified for not to hire me? Why wasn't I enough to get into this school I wanted to get into? WHY.
The cries of our hearts are intense and real and they are allowed to be felt. Not to wallow but to heal.
Even as a believer, sometimes I don't want to hear the answers that are the only ones that will set me free from the weight of "not enough-ness". I know them and I believe them but I also want to sit in my hurt or sadness. Sometimes these answers aren't the ones that I want or need to hear because they don't feel like they help because I am hurting.
Yet, He asks us to bring our hurts and our brokenness before him because he cares and that's exactly what has to be done. I picture the saddest puppy dog face I can make with tears streaming down it, being held in Christ's arms as I share how not enough I feel at points and he holds me close. He listens and reminds me Whose I am and Who He has created me to be; gently and softly.
When we feel as though we are not enough for any reason, the truth we don't want to hear or be told is the exact thing we need to hear and be told. Christ is enough and he will always sustain that hole that someone/something else left or will leave but we have to press closely into him and hold tight, even when we don't feel like it.
So, though I wish I did, I don't have a magic one-size-fits-all answer to what it means to be enough because that is something that is worked out between you and the Lord. But I do know that in time, he does make all things new.
These are questions (or variations of) that everyone has asked themselves at some point. Maybe it's everyday or maybe it's every once in a while but we struggle with this idea of "enough-ness".
We get passed over for a job because we aren't experienced enough. We get passed over by a guy or girl because we feel we aren't pretty/handsome enough. We get passed over by family because we feel like we aren't good enough. We get passed over by coaches or instructors because we aren't talented enough. We get passed over by friendships/relationships because there's something better and we aren't enough. This is the idea of "Enoughness". If only we were this, that, or the other THEN we would be enough for that person or for that job or that team or that role.
Throughout my life, this idea of "Am I Enough" has hit me at different points. It's been most prominent in friendships, a relationship/potential ones, and in job searching. Things happen and I hit a point where I am thinking to myself "Why was I not enough? Why was my loyalty or my degree or my face not enough for this person, place, or thing?"
What do we do with these things when they come up? Do we deal with these thoughts/feelings or do we stuff them down and believe the lies that "we will just never be enough for x, y, z"? Sorry for all the quotation marks, haha, I am just getting my thoughts onto paper.
When I go through these moments where these thoughts captivate me, I know the truths. By God's grace, my family (a vital foundation in our lives) has never ever made me feel like I'm not enough in any aspect of my person (though they would probably beg the question to me as to why they weren't enough for me, growing up. And that is something we've worked through and I have grown to love and appreciate them more than words can say). So I have solid people to remind me of the truth - family and friends. But sometimes, though we know what Christ has to say about us and that He Himself is enough for us... it doesn't land.
We know the truth but we still cry out "WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH!" Why wasn't I enough for my parent not to walk out on me?? Why wasn't I enough for this person I loved not to leave me? Why wasn't I enough for this job that I am qualified for not to hire me? Why wasn't I enough to get into this school I wanted to get into? WHY.
The cries of our hearts are intense and real and they are allowed to be felt. Not to wallow but to heal.
Even as a believer, sometimes I don't want to hear the answers that are the only ones that will set me free from the weight of "not enough-ness". I know them and I believe them but I also want to sit in my hurt or sadness. Sometimes these answers aren't the ones that I want or need to hear because they don't feel like they help because I am hurting.
Yet, He asks us to bring our hurts and our brokenness before him because he cares and that's exactly what has to be done. I picture the saddest puppy dog face I can make with tears streaming down it, being held in Christ's arms as I share how not enough I feel at points and he holds me close. He listens and reminds me Whose I am and Who He has created me to be; gently and softly.
When we feel as though we are not enough for any reason, the truth we don't want to hear or be told is the exact thing we need to hear and be told. Christ is enough and he will always sustain that hole that someone/something else left or will leave but we have to press closely into him and hold tight, even when we don't feel like it.
So, though I wish I did, I don't have a magic one-size-fits-all answer to what it means to be enough because that is something that is worked out between you and the Lord. But I do know that in time, he does make all things new.
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