A blindsided breakup and God's grace
Before jumping in, hear me when I say that I do not believe I have the 100% right answers to any of this but I do think the things I have to say will be able to help even a tiny bit. I hope what you're about to read gives you a glimpse of hope, a drop of affirmation, and feels like a caring hug that says "keep going, you're doing wonderfully".
10 Tips for dealing with a blindsided break up with as much grace as possible
1. Deal with it. Allow yourself to deal with it. Process it and all of it. Cry, yell, sleep, grieve, cry some more, question, feel every single emotion to it's fullest extent and get it all out there. It's 100000% okay to not be okay. Eat the ice cream and cry yourself to sleep for a little while.
2. (But not by much) Seek the Lord. Turn all of that emotion to him (He already knows it). Repeat the process but seek him in it this time. Say your cuss words and your rawest feelings, he can take them. Let your wounded heart be held by the One who created it.
3. Grieve some more. Depending on how far along you were in your relationship, there is going to varying levels of pain. Whether you were just starting to fall in love or if you talked about marriage and a future, grieve the brokenness of your heart and the loss in your life. Don't stay there but once again, allow yourself to grieve. It's okay, it was real and you are hurt. But also, seek the Lord.
4. Have outlets. Find constructive ways to help yourself deal with the pain. Bring in some people, whether it be trusted family/friends that you can constantly vent to or a counselor, FIND SOMEONE. Do your best to not deal with this all alone because that's where satan wants you so you feel the pain of loss even more. Don't give him a foothold. There are still wonderful people in your life that will be a support system like no other. Find them and be vulnerable. I know, it's hard but it is worth it in order to handle things gracefully. Oh, and seek the Lord.
ps. Try your very best to stay away from the social media lie. What you see might not be the truth and what you see can also mess up your emotions and put you behind in your healing process.
5. Begin self-reflection. Ask yourself where you messed up in the relationship. It would be easy to put all the blame on the other person (because they broke your heart after all) but it takes two to tango. Dig deep into the pain and figure out yourself and your short comings and where you brought faults into the relationship. Be honest with yourself and have a desire to grow and change. Find resources that will help guide you and keep an open mind and heart to the tough realizations you might have of yourself. And seek the Lord.
6. No Blame game. Work through these new realizations but don't drown in the pit of "it was all my fault! I am the only one to blame. I am so guilty and feel so much shame." As we learn new things about ourselves, it is easy to spiral into the "if only's" and unfortunately the "if only I had or hadn'ts" don't help us grow but rather they put us in a place of "If I change this then they will want me again" and it doesn't always work that way. "You can only change yourself, you can't change/fix them " is something I heard a ton and finally had to believe it. All the while, seek the Lord.
7. Begin to implement the changes. Growing and changing hurts, mainly our pride, but it hurts nonetheless. It is necessary though if you don't want to repeat past mistakes and want healthy future relationships. Ask the trusted confidants in your life to help keep you accountable. And also, seek the Lord.
8. If you get to talk; listen with your defenses down. What better way to learn than to listen? If you get the rare opportunity to actually get an audience with the person, sure, share but also listen. You have processed through things and so have they. Apologize for your short comings and share where the Lord has worked in your heart. If they have realized and come to the same conclusions then maybe restoration can be a thing, but don't bet on it. That's a hard pill to swallow but reality is, you have to grow and change for you, not for them. Listen to what they have to say and take it back home with you and keep working. And seek the Lord.
9. Take each day. Take each day as it comes. Healing shouldn't be something that is fast and easy. In fact, if it's fast and easy then something isn't being dealt with. If you want to cry one day because you miss who you fell in love with then do it. You have come so far and those emotions are still real if you allow yourself to actually feel them and not just act like everything is fine and dandy. All the while, allow new friends and experiences to take up residence in your life and find that joy and happiness that the Lord has to give. By the way, keep seeking the Lord.
10. Remember who God says you are. A broken heart is one of the worst pains in the world. But the Lord can heal it 1,000x over. Remember that you deserve someone who wants you every single day and won't make you question that. Seek out the Lord and follow what he has for your life and the right people will fall into place. He gives and he takes away and though we might not understand, and maybe still don't sometimes, he has a reason. Continually seek Him.
If you noticed, handling a blindsided break up with grace completely involved you and the Lord and not the other person. As easy as it would be to go off on them or point out all of their faults that they seem to not see (or might be hiding from) or as hard as it might be to hear that they are a 180 degree different person, choose grace. Choose to pray for them and ask others to as well. Choose to not harbor bitterness but also do not choose to hope in that restoration because you might miss someone else the Lord has for you. Wish them the best, hold your tongue, and dive head first into the truths about who God says you are and remember what you are worthy of.
10 Tips for dealing with a blindsided break up with as much grace as possible
1. Deal with it. Allow yourself to deal with it. Process it and all of it. Cry, yell, sleep, grieve, cry some more, question, feel every single emotion to it's fullest extent and get it all out there. It's 100000% okay to not be okay. Eat the ice cream and cry yourself to sleep for a little while.
2. (But not by much) Seek the Lord. Turn all of that emotion to him (He already knows it). Repeat the process but seek him in it this time. Say your cuss words and your rawest feelings, he can take them. Let your wounded heart be held by the One who created it.
3. Grieve some more. Depending on how far along you were in your relationship, there is going to varying levels of pain. Whether you were just starting to fall in love or if you talked about marriage and a future, grieve the brokenness of your heart and the loss in your life. Don't stay there but once again, allow yourself to grieve. It's okay, it was real and you are hurt. But also, seek the Lord.
4. Have outlets. Find constructive ways to help yourself deal with the pain. Bring in some people, whether it be trusted family/friends that you can constantly vent to or a counselor, FIND SOMEONE. Do your best to not deal with this all alone because that's where satan wants you so you feel the pain of loss even more. Don't give him a foothold. There are still wonderful people in your life that will be a support system like no other. Find them and be vulnerable. I know, it's hard but it is worth it in order to handle things gracefully. Oh, and seek the Lord.
ps. Try your very best to stay away from the social media lie. What you see might not be the truth and what you see can also mess up your emotions and put you behind in your healing process.
5. Begin self-reflection. Ask yourself where you messed up in the relationship. It would be easy to put all the blame on the other person (because they broke your heart after all) but it takes two to tango. Dig deep into the pain and figure out yourself and your short comings and where you brought faults into the relationship. Be honest with yourself and have a desire to grow and change. Find resources that will help guide you and keep an open mind and heart to the tough realizations you might have of yourself. And seek the Lord.
6. No Blame game. Work through these new realizations but don't drown in the pit of "it was all my fault! I am the only one to blame. I am so guilty and feel so much shame." As we learn new things about ourselves, it is easy to spiral into the "if only's" and unfortunately the "if only I had or hadn'ts" don't help us grow but rather they put us in a place of "If I change this then they will want me again" and it doesn't always work that way. "You can only change yourself, you can't change/fix them " is something I heard a ton and finally had to believe it. All the while, seek the Lord.
7. Begin to implement the changes. Growing and changing hurts, mainly our pride, but it hurts nonetheless. It is necessary though if you don't want to repeat past mistakes and want healthy future relationships. Ask the trusted confidants in your life to help keep you accountable. And also, seek the Lord.
8. If you get to talk; listen with your defenses down. What better way to learn than to listen? If you get the rare opportunity to actually get an audience with the person, sure, share but also listen. You have processed through things and so have they. Apologize for your short comings and share where the Lord has worked in your heart. If they have realized and come to the same conclusions then maybe restoration can be a thing, but don't bet on it. That's a hard pill to swallow but reality is, you have to grow and change for you, not for them. Listen to what they have to say and take it back home with you and keep working. And seek the Lord.
9. Take each day. Take each day as it comes. Healing shouldn't be something that is fast and easy. In fact, if it's fast and easy then something isn't being dealt with. If you want to cry one day because you miss who you fell in love with then do it. You have come so far and those emotions are still real if you allow yourself to actually feel them and not just act like everything is fine and dandy. All the while, allow new friends and experiences to take up residence in your life and find that joy and happiness that the Lord has to give. By the way, keep seeking the Lord.
10. Remember who God says you are. A broken heart is one of the worst pains in the world. But the Lord can heal it 1,000x over. Remember that you deserve someone who wants you every single day and won't make you question that. Seek out the Lord and follow what he has for your life and the right people will fall into place. He gives and he takes away and though we might not understand, and maybe still don't sometimes, he has a reason. Continually seek Him.
If you noticed, handling a blindsided break up with grace completely involved you and the Lord and not the other person. As easy as it would be to go off on them or point out all of their faults that they seem to not see (or might be hiding from) or as hard as it might be to hear that they are a 180 degree different person, choose grace. Choose to pray for them and ask others to as well. Choose to not harbor bitterness but also do not choose to hope in that restoration because you might miss someone else the Lord has for you. Wish them the best, hold your tongue, and dive head first into the truths about who God says you are and remember what you are worthy of.
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