Let's Talk About Singleness As A Believer

   Some of you clicked on the link reluctantly because it has been a dreaded topic. Singleness is not always easy to talk about nor always fun but I hope that through this post, you will see it less as a dreaded topic and more of something to press into for the season that it is. And, ya girl has been single longer than she's ever dated anyone so know that I'm coming from a place where I've had to wrestle and still do. Also, this is going to be from a perspective of someone who believes in traditional/biblical relationships.

S I N G L E N E S S

1. It's biblical. First and foremost, we need to address the fact that singleness is typically not addressed well. And those who are single in the church are not always cared for well. Being single is not a bad thing, being husbandless or wifeless is not unbiblical. In fact, Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 talks about how singleness is a gift! How it is a time where we can be concerned with the Lord and the Lord alone. "well, that's easier said than done, Alex" Well, that's true but when we set the focus of our affections on anything but the Lord, we're going to end up in a tough spot anyway so why not start while you're single?

2. Nothing is wrong with you. Do you need to hear that again? The reason you are single is not because something is wrong with you. Now, are there things that we all need to be constantly working on? Sure. We will never be perfect and it's good to work through short-comings because growth is necessary. But if you find yourself sitting there thinking that you're still single because something is wrong with you and not with others who find themselves in relationships then it's time to dig into the word. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you have been set apart, you are loved, you are an heir. Need I go on? Set your mind on these truths. See yourself how you're supposed to be seen. Begin shifting your mentality. 

3. Take this time. Something I have been encouraged with the most in my season(s) of singleness is the idea of going after what I want in life. GO AFTER THINGS. Go get that degree, go get that certification, go move to that city or that state. I'm not saying to necessarily do these things on a whim but prayerfully take a step in the direction you want to go/the Lord is asking you to go. No matter how long this season is, don't take it for granted. Don't sit in your ivory tower waiting on your person (men, you too), when you could have been taking the world by storm, unattached. 

4. There is no shame in singleness. Again, it's biblical. You don't want to sacrifice your singleness to be with the wrong person. You don't want to be unequally yoked because I guarantee, as a believer, you will be miserable. There is a ton of pressure everywhere to be in relationships and to get married and yet most don't see the beauty of singleness. If those around you are not encouraging you to seek and pray for a God-fearing person then they don't have your best interest in mind. Do not be shamed for being single.

5. But we are built for relationships. This one is tough because, yes, we are built for relationships. We have an innate desire as humans for community and when it's void, that's when we see loneliness and the things that come with it, rise. So you're sitting there thinking "but if I'm built for relationships then how does singleness fit??" Well, here's the best I've got. God is 3 persons in 1 being, right? In Himself, He is already in constant relationship. When we are in Him, we are therefore in constant relationship. He then brings people into our lives to live out the fulfillment of community that's needed to sustain us in a tangible way. Live into the community that's around you. Live into the community that is the Lord. 

6. Stop the comparison game. Ohhhhh I have been so guilty of this and I don't want to admit that. Whether it's seeing friend after friend step into a relationship OR get engaged OR get married on social media or friends that seem to have all the guys chasing them; whatever the case may be, comparison is a thief. It steals joy and takes away from the beauty of singleness. It makes you (queue point 2) question yourself and who you were created to be. Then you find yourself in a self-wallowing pit, sitting on the floor spraying cheez-wiz into your mouth completely by-passing the cracker all together. Then you stand up, look in the mirror, push your belly out to it's full extent and say "this is why I'll never be loved". (No that's not from experience exactly lol). For the sake of comedy, I think that when we stop comparing our lives to those around us, we then step into the beauty of who we are and what we've been created to do. What if you pressed into who God says you are and what he created you to do for a week?  A month? I think you'd be surprised at how your view might change.

    I live in a community of friends where the majority are single. And these are good, beautiful, smart, funny, strong, god-fearing women (the list goes on). And sometimes I wonder why none of us have been snatched up? And, truly, I know it's because we are waiting on good, beautiful, God-fearing men... but that's a blog post for another time. But I digress to finish up this post..

   Now hear me out, I haven't figured all of this out yet. I know it and I believe it but do I always live it? No.... Because I am a sinful, fallen human being and I desire to be loved by a man just like any of my other sisters out there. But I think that when I learned that this season of singleness, no matter how long it lasts, is one that I should run with, say yes to the Lord to, and look at as a gift rather than a "punishment", my whole worldview changed. Because this is a season that I may never get back. And though there will be sooooo much beauty in the next, there is beauty in the now.