You May Now Exit The Ride


     Do you ever just reach the point where faith feels exhausting to have? Where you know deep down that God has a better plan but it's hard to admit it verbally or mentally? Well that's about the point where this post begins. Hear me say this, I definitely know that the Lord has a a wonderful and masterful plan for my life and I am also just tired right now.

Let's strap in for the story shall we.

     So, I had been dating a guy, long distance, and had been asking the Lord to get me back up to Chicago so we could kick long distance in the butt. Finally, around October, He opened up an apartment for me that seemed too good to be true- I was stoked. The dreams were coming true. Then I went to check out the apartment in November and all was perfect. Being on the south side...meeehhh, not so perfect, but a safe neighborhood so it was good enough. One week later, the thing you never really want to happen, happened: a break up. God shut the door for that relationship and I said "okay, I am still moving." (Though deep down, I really did not want to).

Door One to Chicago. Closed.

     I desperately wanted to glorify the Lord wherever he was calling me though so I pushed through the sorrow and began looking for jobs both in Chicago and anywhere in the U.S. that was not Chicago. I applied for a few sports ministry jobs at some churches, came across one in Naperville (an hour west of Chicago), and random jobs here and there. I didn't hear back and didn't hear back and then BOOM! Out of the blue, I get a call from the church in Naperville saying they want to bring me in for an interview (which I went to and it led to me verbally committing to be their new Full Time Sports coordinator). Sports Coordinator. Wow. Full time with benefits. Wow again.

   Lord...you really want me to go back up to Chicago still? Yes. Okay then, I will go.

     Well, life was going great and I felt like I had direction and then WHAM. About a week ago, I got the call from the church and they told me that because of their new search for a head pastor, they would not be hiring anyone at this time for the a sports ministry position.

Door Two to Chicago. Closed.

    I didn't know what was going to happen now. God, What are you doing? Why do I still feel like I should be up there but things seem to be still falling apart? So I began looking for any job. Any and every job I could, as well as a roommate (which let me tell ya, the applications weren't exactly flying in). I applied to like 12-15 jobs over the past week and heard back from none of them. I felt like I was running out of time...and I was.
    Then I began talking with the landlords about 2 days ago and we were discussing lease and move in times and the bomb was dropped on me that because it was a new lease, a deposit and every thing would be due as well as full rent because I was roommateless. Oh, and the deposit of course was a full month of rent on top of a full month of rent... makes sense but it was money I was not prepared to pay (because it was all new information to me).

 Door Three to Chicago. Closed.

     I kept thinking, "but God, haven't you called me to be up there again? I finally am excited to go back up and do whatever it is you have for me." I was asking the Lord for signs and I just kept looking for the positive ones when really, he was closing doors that I was still trying to walk through. Only last night did I finally take my foot away from keeping the door propped open.

     It's been a tough season of life but one that I have learned so stinking much from because I have been listening and pressing in closely to my Savior even if I was (unknowingly) going the wrong direction. He swung doors open and then he shut them and only he knows why right now. Faith is hard sometimes and it's also not very fun sometimes but it is important. This roller coaster ride would have been way harder if I didn't trust that my God has a plan.

So what's next? For now I will be staying in Middle TN and working and just waiting for the Lord to open the right doors that lead to beautiful people, things, and places. I remain patient.

This is my story, this is the roller coaster. You may now exit the Ride.

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