A Divine "Aha!" moment
My senior year of college, I took an online course called "critical thinking". This course's objective was to get one to do exactly what the title says, think critically. In one of the books, the author talked about something called an "aha" moment which is when a thought or pattern smacks you in the face and you begin to process information from a different point of view. And let me tell you, as soon as I had a term to put with the action/feeling, many "aha" moments began to smack me up one side and down the other.
Many "aha" moments come when we begin to step outside of ourselves to look at a situation or the Lord's wisdom dawns on us and we get thrown back onto our hind-ends. Some "aha" moments come when debating someone, some come from just listening and not being defensive, some from learning how others do life and not expecting them to do things the exact way you would do them, and some come from loss. The last option is where my "aha" moment begins.
This morning I woke up and my mind was immediately going a million mpm (a minute, not even and hour, a minute!) Loss is very sobering and I have experienced two very different kinds of losses within 2.5 weeks of each other. Loss takes time to process and is never an easy thing. Rather, it is a multi-layered and complicated aspect of life that doesn't always have answers. Yet, there is hope because of these "aha" moments (of course through Christ).
Loss One: A relationship. For those who have experienced losses in relationships, you know that the feeling of brokenness is like no other. You yell, you cry, you bargain, you pity yourself, you pity them, you wish you could reconnect just to talk but you can't. For me, I grieved big time. But this morning I woke up and had the "aha" moment where I stepped outside of myself and viewed what was broken, for the first time, with clear eyes. It takes two to tango and I was part of that two. I realized some things about myself that I had never realized before and it was like being woken up from a 3 year long coma full of walls, defenses, control, and lack of self-confidence. I felt alive again in the sense that parts of me that had been dead for so long or wounded for so long or gone uncorrected for so long... were renewed and changed and strengthened. Who I was is not who I have to be anymore and I get to start practicing that today!
Loss Two: A life. I was cleaning my room (preparing to move) last Wednesday and found an old picture that I had to share with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while. I sent it, we laughed and decided it was time to catch up. Then I woke up Saturday morning to find out that that dear friend had moved on to be with Jesus. Shocked. Still in shock to an extent. "What? But we were just planning to hang out... and now she's gone?" And boom, another "aha" moment. What a sobering reality it is to be faced with the brevity of life. In processing this morning, my heart beat wildly inside of me to make wrongs right and to ask the question:
"What if you never get to say what you wanted to say to someone and they died?" A sobering 'aha' that was.
Sometimes those wrongs can be made right or forgiveness can be sought or given by our own hands... and sometimes, it is waiting on the Lord and his timing because he makes all things new. Sometimes the loss of a loved one hurts beyond repair and you wish you could have those moments back but it's never too late to make the most of the moments now.
Today I live in newness. I live in a new confidence in who I am and how I interact with other people. I live to care deeply and love people for who they are. I live to serve an incredible God and do what I've been called to do. I live to forgive and be filled with joy. I live waiting for the next divine "aha".
Many "aha" moments come when we begin to step outside of ourselves to look at a situation or the Lord's wisdom dawns on us and we get thrown back onto our hind-ends. Some "aha" moments come when debating someone, some come from just listening and not being defensive, some from learning how others do life and not expecting them to do things the exact way you would do them, and some come from loss. The last option is where my "aha" moment begins.
This morning I woke up and my mind was immediately going a million mpm (a minute, not even and hour, a minute!) Loss is very sobering and I have experienced two very different kinds of losses within 2.5 weeks of each other. Loss takes time to process and is never an easy thing. Rather, it is a multi-layered and complicated aspect of life that doesn't always have answers. Yet, there is hope because of these "aha" moments (of course through Christ).
Loss One: A relationship. For those who have experienced losses in relationships, you know that the feeling of brokenness is like no other. You yell, you cry, you bargain, you pity yourself, you pity them, you wish you could reconnect just to talk but you can't. For me, I grieved big time. But this morning I woke up and had the "aha" moment where I stepped outside of myself and viewed what was broken, for the first time, with clear eyes. It takes two to tango and I was part of that two. I realized some things about myself that I had never realized before and it was like being woken up from a 3 year long coma full of walls, defenses, control, and lack of self-confidence. I felt alive again in the sense that parts of me that had been dead for so long or wounded for so long or gone uncorrected for so long... were renewed and changed and strengthened. Who I was is not who I have to be anymore and I get to start practicing that today!
Loss Two: A life. I was cleaning my room (preparing to move) last Wednesday and found an old picture that I had to share with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while. I sent it, we laughed and decided it was time to catch up. Then I woke up Saturday morning to find out that that dear friend had moved on to be with Jesus. Shocked. Still in shock to an extent. "What? But we were just planning to hang out... and now she's gone?" And boom, another "aha" moment. What a sobering reality it is to be faced with the brevity of life. In processing this morning, my heart beat wildly inside of me to make wrongs right and to ask the question:
"What if you never get to say what you wanted to say to someone and they died?" A sobering 'aha' that was.
Sometimes those wrongs can be made right or forgiveness can be sought or given by our own hands... and sometimes, it is waiting on the Lord and his timing because he makes all things new. Sometimes the loss of a loved one hurts beyond repair and you wish you could have those moments back but it's never too late to make the most of the moments now.
Today I live in newness. I live in a new confidence in who I am and how I interact with other people. I live to care deeply and love people for who they are. I live to serve an incredible God and do what I've been called to do. I live to forgive and be filled with joy. I live waiting for the next divine "aha".
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