"Everyday...I feel like I'm falling apart..."

     I don't know what it is. But like in everyone's life, things arent perfect by far. Mistakes are made, wounds are opened, struggles actually are real, communication is limited, different worldviews and cultures collide, hearts feel shattered.
     I cannot express to you why my heart feels these things. Life is different this year. We have an exhcange student with us this year and she's a good kid with a good heart. But I thought we'd be more alike and I appreciate she's a kind German and that she's her own person, but it isn't what I expected. Somedays we're good and some days I just want to shut her and many others out. It's difficult to see that this is a training field for something bigger one day. And I don't want to seem heretical when this little German is witnessing true christianity and christians for the first time.
     I am not always happy...in fact, I am rarely happy. My life is changing and I have a hard time focusing. I have a hard time accepting what I need to accomplish in my life.
     I am tired of trying hard to lose weight and it not happening. I get pumped and strong willed to work hard and fight on...but I just seem to give up after a few days. Thinking I can cheat and have a piece of bread...which turns into bread the next day and a small piece of cake the next. I can never win with myself.
     I feel lazy. I'd rather sleep and sit on the couch with my technology than go work out or do homework or do something productive. (Just goes to show that addictions are in different ways).
     I'm tired of being this luke-warm person with half the fire I used to have and a quarter of the happiness I need to embody.
     My solid relationship God is not at a peak right now like it should be or could be or maybe has been.

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