20 Lessons I learned in my Twenties.

Here I am. In the final hours of my 20's, wanting to reflect on an entire decade full of life. What have I learned? What is even worth sharing? So, here's what I've come up with. These are some of the biggest lessons I learned in the last 10 years of life and I hope maybe they'll help you (or the twenty-year olds in your life) in some way.

So let's jump in.

Lesson 1: Go to bed. That text can probably wait. That late night conversation or phone call can probably wait. No matter how "about your whits" you feel, the emotions or thoughts you're feeling and thinking are most likely lying to you so don't act on those later at night. Just simply go to bed and see how you're feeling in the morning. I would have saved myself some heartache and frustration if I would have done this sooner.

Lesson 2: Two Sips. In other words, give things a try more than once. This is a long standing family rule. Whenever we’d try something new (typically a food), our mom would always say “two sips”. This usually meant that even if you didn’t like something or weren't good at something the first time, give it another go. I believe that my siblings and I are more resilient because of how we've applied this to our lives. And in a world that struggles with commitment, giving something another shot might give you a better experience the next time around. (Disclaimer: This is not a one size fits all rule. Please use discernment.)

Lesson 3: Let the ship sink. This is my way of saying... don't chase anyone. Don't lose yourself, your joy, or your sanity because you're going round and round with someone who is regularly hurting you or making poor decisions. We have a tendency as humans to want control and that can get out of hand when we start to want to control other people's decisions. Instead of doing that, just let them go... And if there's restoration of relationship in the future, then maybe be open to that when the time comes. 

Lesson 4: You are not behind. The usual measurement of success in life is if you have a spouse, kids, money, and a good career. But why are those the top measurements of success? Let's change the measurements. If you're single in your late twenties, you're not behind. If you're married with no kids, you're not behind. If you haven't figured out your career yet, you're not behind. I believe there's a difference between being lazy and feeling "behind". For me, I am not behind because I am exactly where God has placed me. That's the measurement that matters; am I pursuing God with all I am? If yes, then what else truly matters? (of course, there are days that I ask the Lord why he hasn't brought a man into my life or why I have moved so dang much in pursuit of his calling.. or if I could have just a liiiiittle more net worth) but I am trying to reframe 'success categories' and I hope you'd speak this life into your 20-year-olds or peers too.

Lesson 5: Don’t forget your friends. It happens, we start dating someone and we want to spend all our waking hours with them. They are the BEST. But my encouragement here is to not forget the people who were in your corner before this new shiny person, and who will be in your corner if that person doesn't last. Also, I think the healthiest relationships are when you have each other, your friends, and each others friends. There really is time for the things you deem most important. Deem your friends as important, even if you have to fight yourself.

Lesson 6: Save your money yet also be generous. If you haven't started to save already, start saving. I once overdrew my bank account as a sophomore in college, buying groceries. (The first and only time I ever have done that). But it really opened my eyes to the importance of having emergency money in place. That $7 coffee, 3 days a week is really not worth it, and I love $7 coffees. As you save though, think about the room you'll then have to be generous with your money. Ultimately, it is God's money that we get to steward. I've had some different opportunities to be generous through my twenties and NOT ONCE have I missed a single cent from the money I was generous with. But I have sometimes wished I had money back that I spent frivolously. 

Lesson 7: Move. This one is unique to me because I lived in 5 different states in my twenties. But whether you move to a different state or 30 minutes away, I encourage you to move. Get out and away from everyone and everything you've known. Figure out how to do life, make new friends, find a church, struggle through some loneliness, and trust in God in new ways. I am a firm believer that doing this will help you grow in ways you never could have imagined. And the good news is, it doesn't have to be forever... you can always move back. 

(Just know, the more states you've lived in, the more you have to go back to visit when you leave your people behind).

Lesson 8: Learn to Pray. We don't think about prayer often enough. But in my twenties, when I worked camp, I learned the power of prayer. That it is both a battlefield and an intimate thing. Prayer is a conversation with the Lord. It can be long-winded, wordy, and elegant as much as it can be one short sentence or thought. He listens to it all and He does answer. Learn to pray and praise. Thank God for who he is and ask him for the needs in your life. Prayer is powerful. 

Lesson 9: You don’t know as much as you think you do. My twenty year old self would have balked at someone saying I didn't actually know very much, when I indeed knew so much;). The wisdom here is simple; be willing to learn. Be willing to take correction if warranted and don't be offended by someone calling you out. Eventually you'll look back and be grateful they did (the right person that is). And it's okay to not know it all. You grow a lot in your emotional intelligence throughout your twenties, so it makes sense that someone older might actually know more... crazy.

Lesson 10: Find a mentor (or go to counseling). Is there someone in your life that is a few years+ older than you? Someone that you admire and who lives out the values that you want to live out? Someone who is confident or courageous in an area that you want to be confident and courageous in? Find them and ask them to coffee. Explain what you're looking for and why you chose them. Walk for a season of life or for the next several years in mentorship (or discipleship). Learn from their wins and their losses and practice what they tell you.

Lesson 11: Be a Hype person. Someone asked the other day in a small group, "Do you have someone who really believes in you? What does that do for you?" A question I've heard before but I thought to myself, "yeah, I actually have a handful of people who really truly believe in me and that is a freaking GIFT". We know what it feels like when someone doesn't believe in us, so be the opposite. Be someone who calls other people higher and hypes them up with what they bring to the table. I have not always been good at this, nor do I claim to be great at it now. It's a constant practice. But to do it well, it requires dying to our sense of pride and accomplishment to call things out of others. Not diminish ourselves and have false humility but really truly tell people what they're good at and watch them run after those things.

Lesson 12: Your parents are learning too. I had this realization at some point in the last few years. This is the first time my parents have been the age they are. They’re figuring it out one day at a time just like me. They’re just doing it with 25 more years of life experience and kids. So, if you have a decently healthy relationship with your parents, extend more patience and grace, recognizing they're people too.

Lesson 13: Don’t waste your time. Doom scrolling, being in a bad relationship, solving a math problem that has taken 3 hours. Don’t waste it. You’ve got one life to live on this side of eternity, how will you have spent it? How will you tend the garden you've been given? Watching endless reels and tik tok videos of someone else’s reality, going back to a bad situation over and over again, being aimless? You're worth more than that. Your time is actually precious. (Shameless plug: Read The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. Life-changing).

Lesson 14: You might not meet your best friends in college. I had some great friends in college, but unfortunately that’s the season in which our friendship stayed. I think about them fondly and sometimes wish we had stayed connected, but we didn’t and that’s okay. If you found your forever people in college (or in that age in life), that is truly a gift and so amazing. But if you’re a college student, struggling with finding your people, just know that there are a lot of people out there and sometimes they come later. 

Lesson 15: Good shoes matter. Kind of random but after spending a lot of the last year training for a marathon, I've learned a lot about foot health. Did you know that your feet are actually super important? So, find good shoes. They may not be the coolest or the trendiest, but your body will thank you as it ages (yes that is going to happen) that you took care of your feet. Save the money and then spend it on good shoes.

Lesson 16: Learn how to explain games well. Ever been to a game night that was less than ideal because a game took far too long to explain or was explained poorly leaving your more confused than when you fist sat down? Yeah, me too. So, be the person that learns how to explain games well (clearly AND kindly).

Lesson 17: Do it scared. We used to say this on our social media posts for our young adults ministry when we'd invite people to check us out: "Come alone. Do it scared". It's quite the call to action and quite the leap to take. But don't miss out on life because you're too scared to do something alone (within limits). You never know what cool things might happen.

Lesson 18: Be willing to let your passions be altered and new skills be developed. In other words, what you're doing in your early 20's might not be what you end up doing in your later 20's and that's okay. Hold your life with open hands and see how God might work and adjust skillsets and passions. I thought I’d be in sports ministry forever. Turns out, I still love sports, but I prefer young adult ministry and leadership development and communications/creative outlets far more. Sports ministry opened the door to where I am today but different skillsets and passions are building the house.

Lesson 19: Say no then say yes. It’s easier to start with a no and get your life a bit organized than it is to say yes to everything and have to back out. Figure out what is most important for the season you’re in and then add to it from there! 

Lesson 20: Show Up. Show up for the big things and the little things for the people in your life. Show up for the church league softball game, the race, the baptism. Show up for the event, the circumstance, the visitation. In my life, I've realized that it doesn’t take much effort to show up, even for a little bit. To show people they matter and the things they’re doing matter really does make life so much better.

BONUS Lesson: Always pack a snack.

Well, that's it. I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that really came to mind as I worked on this little project. Maybe it encouraged you and made you think. Maybe you didn't even make it this far. I know, a list of 20 is kind of long, but felt poetic. So, what are your 20? When you turn 30, what will you have lived and reflected on that you'd share with others one day? Thanks.